Jon Morse (jonfmorse) wrote in dear_celeb,
Jon Morse
jonfmorse
dear_celeb

Dear Martha Burk:

Martha,

Please shut the fuck up and go away. We all know that if my son, when he graduates high school, decides for some stupid ass reason he wants to go to Smith, you won't organize a protest over his exclusion. In fact, you know perfectly well that when discrimination benefits women, not one of you nasty, crusty-crotched old lesbians seem to find anything wrong with it -- and you usually come up with some way of defending it. At least the affirmative action folks aren't hypocrites; hell, there's even been white boys on Grambling's football team.

But you... well, goddamn, Martha, why would any woman want to be a member of Augusta National? Are you under the asinine perception that all those CEOs network and do business deals? Ya know, I've been present at "high level meetings" in country clubs before, back when I was a little turd who bussed tables, and I can guarantee you that a wrinkled old bitch like you wouldn't have wanted to be there. Unless, of course, you want to share your tales about sexing up hot little interns, too.

Even worse, you paint the picture as if they won't even let women in the door. Women played over a thousand rounds at Augusta last year, you silly bint. That's around three a day. Women are allowed as guests. On top of that, if I were a multi-millionaire celebrity, I couldn't get in. There's a fucking waiting list, unless, you know, you happen to win the goddamn tournament.

It's a private club, Martha. You want in and they won't let you; waah, waaah, waaaah. You're nothing more than the little fucking geek pissed off that you weren't pretty enough to make the cheerleading squad. Get over it and go find something more productive to do with yourself and your three dozen ugly friends.

Yours truly,
Jon
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